Kyle Hall- Baseball

I was....

As I grew up with a Christ centered family, it appeared I had it all figured out. I knew how to act, how to talk and how to live like a Christian. I became very good at acting like Christ. But I didn’t realize I was acting like Christ for my gain instead of God’s glory. Throughout high school, I was involved in many good things: serving in my church, school and community. I always made sure I had a good reputation. I wanted others to look at me as a loyal friend, strong leader and hardworking student. Because of this, I would hide any faults and emphasis the positives in my life. I have been fighting the battle of lust for many years. But I didn’t talk to anyone about it because I was ashamed and embarrassed. I took it on myself to fight against lust alone. I was unsuccessful.

I surrounded myself with people like me and I didn’t spend much time with people who were not like me. To say it bluntly, I avoided anyone who didn’t ruin my pure reputation and I looked down on non-believers. Through high school and into my sophomore year of college, much of my motivation for serving and loving others was to build a better reputation or to get something in return. Even through my first two years of college baseball, I separated myself from non-believers on the team. I didn’t want to become like them, so I avoided them. I was incapable of being empathetic toward non-believers because I could not put myself in their shoes. Yes, the Lord was continuing to work in my life, but I was looking at life through glasses which were tinted with selfishness. The biggest problem was I thought my glasses were perfectly clear. Little did I know, once I took the glasses off I would be exposed to my selfish perspective of life.

But Christ…

Entering college was a turning point in my life because of the people next to me and the experiences in front of me who would break down my wall of selfishness and insecurity. A game changer for me was a group of men I met freshman year who have now become my support system. These men did not allow me to stand inside a shell of secrecy. Rather they called me up to a higher standard of honesty, integrity and faithfulness. I know the Lord placed those men in my life to give me victory over lust and give me endurance to seek Christ daily. The Lord is bringing me restoration in my battle with lust.

Last year, I went over to my coach’s house to talk about life. At this point, I was still oblivious of my selfish tinted glasses. We talked through how I was a Christian Ministry major, but I wasn’t a spiritual leader on the team. Rather than opening a door to my teammates who did not know Christ, I put up a wall between us. The Lord broke down that wall through the words of my coach that night. He helped me take off those tinted glasses and see others as Christ sees them, with unconditional love and open arms. The journey of breaking down selfishness and building up selflessness began. The Lord is bringing me restoration in my battle with selfishness.

And now…

I am a long way from seeing clearly, but I am grateful I now look through the lens of scripture rather than selfishness. I now seek to live like Christ rather than act like Christ. I have grown immensely in empathy in the last year. The Lord has taught me to listen well and to be genuinely curious about knowing His children better. The Lord has given me a desire to learn more about others’ stories and walk alongside them. In addition, He is showing me how to challenge my brothers in Christ to be men of integrity and honesty. As my pastor once said, I need to focus on cultivating character rather than reputation. I’m so grateful I do not have to walk this journey alone. I still find it difficult to share the ugly parts of my life, but I know it brings me freedom, it shines the light of God’s restorative power and it allows others to help me through this journey.

Life verse

This verse reminds me to not live for myself but for Christ, this is my prayer:

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5

Challenge for other athletes/coaches

- If you are anything like me, you need to find a trustworthy, faithful support system and be completely honest with them. Share the ugly parts of life with them and be available and curious to hear the ugly parts of their life.

- Never stop listening to and obeying the Lord. Continue to receive transformation in your thoughts, words and actions as you become more like Christ.

- Don’t act like Christ, live like Christ.